The kitten goes Rawr! Rawr! Rawr!

Good evening, well technically it’ll be “morning” when I post but we’re on housewife time right (also meaning there really isn’t any need looking at the time because frankly does it matter?) Just remembered a really great story after coming home and sitting on the edge of the bed letting my husband know I’m home.

This giggle-story happened right at a month ago, back in June. I was house sitting for D’s Mom & Step-dad while they went out of town. Basically, my only job was to sleep at their house, clean the pool, feed/let the dog out and eat their food,…oh and I could party all I wanted as long as the house was as they left it when they came hom…not a bad deal I say! Well, it being a 3 night venture I begged D to come stay the night with me Saturday night.

So D is spending the night with me. We had casually joked about christening the guest bedroom, really guest bedroomS, of his mom and step-dad’s new home. Though considering our current predicament of blushing red skin from our day of fun, (from my 5 hours in the pool and his 30 minutes…D is a vampire if you didn’t know, lol) I don’t think we’d be touching each other period, more or less christening anything (darn!) Our other predicament was the bed size. At home we have comfortable king size bed, plenty of room, but at his mom’s her guest beds are both full sized. So yeah, that just spells all types of fun! As usual D is asleep in bed when I get ready to join him and where is he? In the middle. In the middle of a king you’re fine but in the middle of a full size bed, well that’s basically taking up both sides. Being burned I didn’t want to be touched more or less snuggled so I’m trying to scoot him over, which is a hassle and a show of strength and perseverance to which he finally gives an inch, literally. With him scooting over as far as he’s going to, I crawl in bed and I just lay there.

I hear “click, click click”, Charlie is up. Charlie is my in-laws Pomeranian. Cute little guy really but he’s awake and needs to go out. Of course, I just lay there thinking if I could get D up to take him outside considering he could walk out half naked, while I on the other hand would have to get fully dressed and I really didn’t even wanna move more or less get dressed. “Click, click, click”, Charlie is pacing, so I jump up figuring out no good excuse to wake D (glimpse of parenthood just flashed into my mind….awesome), get dressed and make my way out the front door. Charlie does him business and we’re back in.

I crawl into bed, no middle of the bed maneuvers needed this time around and I just lay there. Next thing I know I hear something and it’s coming from D,

“The kitten goes rawr rawr rawr….” I hear him say this one time through and I decided I needed to open my eyes and see what’s going on. You’re gonna have to imagine this site….D has his elbows pulled into his chest and his are doing this clawing motion as he goes “rawr rawr rawr”. I start to just giggle at him while I kept asking,
“What does the kitty say?”
“The kitten goes rawr rawr rawr…” I seriously can’t contain myself! I’m laughing so hard it stirs D awake. He asks me,
“I know what I said and it wasn’t that funny.”
“Are you sure you know what you said, because what you just did was pretty hilarious!” He takes a deep breath and answers me sleepily as if he only woke to speak that last sentence.
“I said, the T-rex goes rawr rawr rawr because they do go rawr rawr rawr. Did you not notice me t-rexing my arms?” Again, I lost it.

This is certainly not the only time D has said funny things to me while he’s been asleep but we’ll save those other stories for another day.

 

Until then find something funny to giggle at!
HWG
❤ V ❤

Advertisements

Naked Beauty or Prostitution? Oh the choices!

Yeah, you read the title correct! It does in fact state that being naked or being a prostitute is a choice I have to make. Sadly, we as women make this choice everyday…did you not know that? Good God let’s hope you didn’t chose prostitution! Eh, even if you did, who am I to judge you? My husband wouldn’t and well….he’s a man. Lol! Okay Okay I’ll cut the shananigry!

Make-up and clothes, are the beautiful choices we have everyday….so do you chose to be bare or look like you’re working hard for the money? This all leads up to a deliciously tasty conversation between D and myself.

D lacks time for me, always spending time with his mistress (I shall call her Asu, as in Athen’s State University), so when I can squeeze a few minutes of his time out of him I take full advantage of it! So he comes home and I literally meet him at the door resulting in an almost home entering tackle,

“How much school do you have today?!” startled he replies,
“Not much, why!”
“Let’s walk!” I excitedly spurt out. So he lays his stuff from work down and we head out the door. As we are walking hand in hand I start asking him questions, not really planned but things I had certainly been pondering on myself recently

“So when do you think I look good?” Again, I’ve startled the man,
“Uh, well all the time. You look good all the time.” Yeah, I rolled the eyes more than once at that cliche line.
“No really, a real answer please. When do you think I look good?” After this question he further explores the question as into my meaning so I explain, “Like do you like when I wear make-up or not or what do you think looks good on me as far as clothes?” His answer may just shock the pants off of any woman reading this…(guys if you are near a woman, be a gentleman and let her know where he pants have wondered off to.)

“Honestly? I don’t really care. You could go bare naked or look like a prostitute for all I care. I don’t look at what you wear or what you don’t. I look at your body language and if your confident, babe, that’s sexy.” Of course I’m completely puzzled (my pants obviously have ran off in bewilderment) and as a woman I’m fishing for the “real” answer but no, that was it. I quizzed that boy until he asked for a subject change.

A good bit down the road, literally, after some silence had passed I gigglishly asked,

“A pro? Really? You seriously would think I’m sexy if I looked and dressed like a prostitute?” He casually laughed,
“If your body language and confidence shined through, ugh yeah I would.” I just laughed. He continued, “I mean, you are at the house half the time with hair knotted up on your head, wearing sweat pants and a tank top and oh my god you are just oozing sexiness.” at this point my jaw is becoming best friends with the floor, “so yeah, doesn’t matter what you wear or what you look like, if you’re confident I’ll do ya.” I’m just staring at this point, “was that clear enough for you?” Looking straight ahead I cut my eyes over to him and grin.
“So these workout shorts, tank top and this naked face of mine are doing it for ya, huh?”
He smirks, “Naked, yeah, that’ll do it for me.” and my eyes are rolling once again.

july4th

           Unbrushed and barefaced…if he likes it, who am I to complain?

Never letting the giggles cease,
HWG
❤ V ❤

 

I talk a lot, because cats don’t talk back.

I talk A LOT. Seriously, when I say a lot I mean it. There are just certain aspects of being a housewife that you just have to learn to live with such as, there are going to be days when you have no one to talk to. It’s as simple as that, no one is there, I’m all alone until the working day is done….that is except for my cats. My cats are subject to my never ending mumbles, especially on Mondays!

DECLARATION!

Monday’s will now be declared as “MUMBLE MONDAYS!”

Why “mumble mondays” you ask? Well that’s because my sweet cats get to listen to me mumble all Monday morning about what I’ve done on the weekend, what I plan to do all week, what I’m cooking, where I’m going…on Monday’s it just seems to be non-stop. I figure it’s because I’ve had the attention of my sweet D, church functions, we’ve probably seen and hung out with friends and family and all what not, needless to say I’ve had someone’s attention and ear and then Mondays come and I’m the only one filling the silence. My poor poor innocent cats.

So, it’s Monday and what have I mumbled on about? Vacation has been pretty prominent on my mind. That is until I get sidetracked by vines…Kiki LOVES vines, especially cat vines. It’s cute to watch her sit and watch them, I seriously can’t contain my laughter when she’s engrossed in them as much as I am. It’s cute…see what I mean, even in blog form vine distracts me. VACATION! Yes, vacation, we are wanting to go on one of our own in celebration of D’s college graduation next may. At first we were planning on going to a beautiful resort but then he got sunburned and well, he took a vow as a vampire, there went the beach trip! So I started looking elsewhere and then I found BigCatDerek on vine! My decision was made! I was going to go and see all the lions and tigers and cougars, oh my! That was until today when I felt regret. Regret of not asking him if that was something he was interested in doing. Of course D fed me the lines of, “This is your vacation too.” “Isn’t this a vaca for all your waiting on me to finish?”…in the end he tells me that he truly has no care in the world where we go and that he’s never been to texas, so why not!

VICTORY!!!! So, yeah, this housewife gets to go one her wonderful trip to see all the tigers that “moo” and “snuffle” and “moosh” on vine! By the way, you know tigers sound like cows and cougars squeak when they talk? I didn’t either! Though I am on the lookout for something geekish related to do in Dallas/Fort Worth while were there…can’t leave the nerd in my hubs out!

So welcome to Monday Mumbles….Now that I’ve remembered I have you guys, I can give my kitties ears a break!

(((Yes, D listens to all my ramblings when he comes home…some days I feel for him because I’m like a freight train when he walks in the door hitting him with ideas, plans, thoughts and whatever else I’m done during the day, all while going 90 miles an hour. Like I said, I feel for him poor thing. Maybe, since I remembered y’all are here, he won’t get such a verbal “I HAVEN’T GOT TO TALK TO A PERSON ALL DAY” whiplash. Haha!)))

I need a blog…WAIT!…

Hello my little giggles! It’s been quite a while since I have even thought about my blog (everyone all together now, “awe!”) Good news though! I’m back!!! What brought me to this amazing conclusion that I should revisit you guys is that I was told this weekend

“Victoria, you know what would be the absolute best thing for you? A blog!”

I  laughed and agreed and then it hit me, I ALREADY HAVE A BLOG!!!!

So yeah, not that I intentionally just forgot about you guys but well who am I kidding, of course I did! Being a housewife has it’s downfalls…my brain. Since my life is sometimes schedule-less I just fly by the seat of my pants and go where the wind takes me. So yeah, blog was forgotten. But no more!

Oh….and if you didn’t notice, my name is Victoria. I thought about keeping myself anonymous but to be completely honest that’s kinda hard to do when people you know start liking your twitter feed….so yeah, no longer hiding. This also means, if you know me…you might end up knowing more about me than you would like. Sorry, not sorry. Haha! 

So now that the veil of secrecy has been removed, here’s a little about me!

(this feels a little myspace-ish or better yet, like we’re on our first date. Deal with it, lol!)

So my name is Victoria and I have successfully (for the most part) been a housewife since May 3, 2012, so a little over 2 years. I enjoy it, especially in the summer but that’s because I work…on my tan! (I suddenly feel so disliked at the moment, oh well!) I am a furmom to 2 super cats and yes kids are in the future but were just not there yet. My husband, D, whom I’m sure will love that I’ve revealed myself to the masses, is a geek, polo wearing, black framed glasses, computer hoarding, tech loving computer programmer (talk nerdy to me *wink wink*) who will graduate from college in May of 2015, which can’t seem to get here soon enough. Now that you know me and my hubs let’s get personal….

Yeah, the rest you’ll just have to wait and hear it as it happens because what’s the fun in knowing everything up front?! Now don’t worry I do have some, if I could make “some” soo much smaller I would, discretion but you’ll find out all the details about who I am and all the wisdom I have been withholding from the world! LOL! (Go ahead and laugh. I know you are dying to do so! But you just wait, I’ll prove you right and then I giggle at the look on your faces!)

Discretion advised…

Good Evening…for the 7 minutes we have left of it!

Did you know that it is more proper to use “Good Morning” at any point during the day than to use any other greeting if you don’t know what to say. Basically because it technically is Morning for the majority of the Day. From 12AM to 11:59AM it is “Morning” and then there’s “Good Afternoon” Which technically could be anything, well after noon but then you run into “Good Evening” and “Good Night.” So the majority rules that if you don’t know a correct term to use, “Good Morning” will suffice due to it’s “Morning” more than any other part of the day. 

Anyway!

So tonight while tucking my husband into bed. Yes I tuck him in, all laughing aside I do this because I don’t work so I don’t wake up at 6:30 AM as he does so I’m not sleepy when he is. Though as to accommodate that our sleep patterns aren’t his fault I do snuggle up with him until he’s asleep or I tuck him in…I do whatever is required to help him get to sleep. (minds in or out of gutters is all pretty correct with this one. But please jump out if your in so we can move on. Thanks.)

So tonight, after tucking him in, we are chatting and he says something referring to a sexual act which makes me giggle, which is pretty funny considering we’ve been married for 5.5 years and he still makes me giggle. In this he starts to do a dance with the name of the sexual act he’s just referenced, which turns me into fits of giggles. I request he do it again and again because it simply made me happy and made me laugh. I then went all serious face on him and said,

“Yep this is going into my blog, they’re gonna love it!” and he cocks the eyebrow and just looks at me and I reply,
“Okay Okay, you know me, I do have some discretion. I was just kidding…..but really.” He just laughed at me. 

Oh the things sometimes I wish I had the ability to write about…even anonymously he won’t let me write some of the most hilarious things! HAHA!!!

It’s bedtime baby birds…go to sleep. 

Haha…that will haunt you the rest of your life!!!

Good afternoon everyone! As everyone in the south would say, “Bless your heart” you have to work or be heading back to work on this chilly Monday afternoon :-/ As for me, I’m still sweat pants and tank top clad all underneath a warm fuzzy blanket sitting on the couch…a hard life I know. Anyway!

So some funniness that makes me smile…wanna hear it? Of course you do!…don’t lie. 

A few years ago I was wanting to do something sexy for D. Not a super rare thing from me, but I do like the random spontaneous sexy occasion every now and then. So this night in particular he was running a quick errand and during that time I had the bright idea to get all sexified while you was gone so when he came back it was would be a huge surprise. So this is how it went down…

D leaves for the store and that’s when the light bulb went off. So I picked myself up off the couch and ran up the stairs! Got to the bed room and searched through all my lingerie to see what I haven’t worn or something I haven’t worn in a while…found it! It was a red silky night gown that had these empire look to it. Pretty sexy for a simple nightie if I must say. So I picked it out and then realized a hard truth, I need to shave. ARGH!!! So I rush to the bathroom, trying not to spaz out anymore than I already am being rush in a time crunch. I grab my razor and lotion and prepare the unthinkable, a full leg shaving extravaganza in 5 minutes!

I got my captain morgan going on while I’m getting one leg shaved successfully and now onto the next. Everything is going great, no nicks no cuts all is going smooth, until. Until I hear the door slam and it startles me to the point where I jump and my leg jumps with me which makes contact with the corner of the bathroom counter top. My thigh hit that counter top with so much force that it came unglued and made a *bang* landing back down. Me in my sexy nightie is now speechless as I’m propped up against the bathroom wall trying my hardest not to cry, curse, fall down in a helpless puddle of pain, so I get it together and stumble out into the bedroom. 

I’m hurt, pretty helpless and at this point I’m bleeding down my leg from hitting the corner of the bathroom counter top when I heard D slam the backdoor when he arrived back home. I’ve successfully made it from the danger zone of a bathroom through the bedroom and now I’m about to head down the stairs. What started out looking as a sexy evening with a surprise for D is certainly going to turn into a surprise for him…a surprise that I’m sure isn’t gonna end the way I originally intended. So I’m limp down the stairs, whimpering with each step and with each step more blood starts to run down my leg. I get down the steps before D gets in sight of the stairs. Unaware of what has happened he hears me coming down the stairs and sees me in my night gown and here’s what I get, 

“Well don’t you look sexy?!” while he smirks. Obviously he oblivious to the blood running down my leg or the tear stained face looking all confused at him. If anything has marked him a red blooded man, this situation surely did that. He saw my red gown and his mind only saw sex, nothing else. 
I replied with tears in my eyes, “Muh-muh-my leg it hur-hurts.”
*BAM* reality hits him and he sees my leg, “Oh my gosh what did you do?!?!”
Of course then I had to relive my embarrassment and tell him how I was trying to be sexy for him and hurt myself in the process. 
“I think you’ve went to some great lengths too look sexy for me tonight…I mean look at you! That’s pretty sexy!” As he looks me up and down and pointing at my bloody leg. 
Of course now he’s got me laughing, “Y’know I try to mix things up, keep it interesting.” All while pointing at my stained leg. 

Did he eventually help me back up the stairs and do his husbandly duties of taking care of me…yes and yes. He cleared my wound and made it all better. Though this story still haunts me every time I try to do anything sexy for my husband, it also taught me I can do just about anything and he’ll find it sexy. 

😀 😀 😀 

Momma will be back later, baby birds. 8<Image

Learn Something New Everyday!

Image

Well howdy there partner!

…Did ya like that there texan accent? See yet another reason I’m amazing, I can speak different dialects of english! Haha-nah I’m just playing, but really I am still amazing 😀 ANYWAY!

So I learned something new a few months back that was terrifying, interesting, kinda gross and pretty hilarious all at the same time. It all started with an itch…

As mentioned previously I have two fur babies. They are the sweetest little creatures on this green earth and they match mine and D’s personalities to a “t”. One day I realized they were a little more scratchy than usual but I paid no attention to it really, I just let it go. Until one day, what I thought was a freckle itched and *boop* it hopped right off my arm! It was a flea!!! I knew exactly where this ‘flea’ came from and I knew exactly how it entered my house. A few weeks prior to the ‘flea’ jumping off my arm my little boy fur baby got out of the house. D and I searched and searched for him but to no avail he was gone. I cried and cried and posted all over facebook and twitter telling people to keep their peepers open for my baby. Here comes the next morning. D goes out and takes a quick scan of the back yarn looking for him, nothing. I head out the door to go to work and *ziiiip* I almost trip over my sweet darling running into the house under my feet! He was cover in leaves and dirt…he obviously had a great night outside or didn’t like it at all, as a mother I chose to believe the latter. Anyway, that’s where the ‘flea’ came from, his little over night escapade outside. So now our motto is, “If you don’t want fleas, stay away from all those other flea-bag whores of animals outside our house!” Heartless parenting I know but we do what we can to keep our fur babies safe…has he ventured out since? Nope. Mission accomplished. 

So now you realize we have fleas, great. Glad I brought that across as gently as possible. Now to the interesting part. We have decided that since we have found the problem we are going to try and rid the house of the pestilence by giving the fur babies baths. (The thought of this is bringing back a warm feeling of laughter already.) So I look up the best way to prepare them for their first bath, benadryl is the crowds favorite “dopping” agent. So D goes to the corner store and buys some baby benadryl. 

Mission #1: Get benadryl in fur babies. 

Sounds easy right? WRONG! Do you know that if an animal doesn’t like benadryl that they will not, let me say it again, will not swallow it?!?! Do you know what happens to benadryl if not swallowed? It makes your fur baby look like SANTA CLAUSE!!!….or a rabidly foaming from the mouth fur baby dressed as SANTA CLAUSE!!! Either way you imagine it, one of the most hilarious things I’ve ever seen! D said me chasing rabid fur santas around was pretty funny, then again who’s gonna disagree on that one?

Mission #2: Give Benadryl time to soak in.

Yep, this one kinda explains itself. Took a lot of time to get enough benadryl into their system to get any kind of effect but obviously I got enough. One fur baby was trying to jump onto the couch and ended up clinging for dear life about six inches up the back of the couch…With my head cocked to the side I watch in amazement at how she had to be scared for her life that she might fall to her death of the side of that cliff. Poor thing, I should help her. I did help her, I took her off that horrible cliff hanging sofa and placed her on the third step of our stairs. If six looked like a cliff hanger what’s three stairs gonna look like? Needless to say even my dopped up sweetie has a little commonsense, she fell over, which was kinda funny but not exactly the reaction I was wanting. Anyway. 

Mission #3: Getting Fur babies in bath tub without losing one of our lives. 

If there was anything we feared most, it was the reaction of our fur babies to their first bath. It was either gonna be a love hate relationship or D and I might lose and eye or possibly our lives…so we prayed. 

Fur baby numero uno gets brought in. We close the door behind us, having no idea how this was gonna end we didn’t want the other fur baby watching. We place what we thought was our calm sweet gentle fur baby into the water, *SHAZAM* INSANE FUR BABY personality arrives! She’s scrambling everywhere and this is when we kinda freak out….there’s blood EVERYWHERE! She’s seriously dripping blood from everywhere. I’m flipping out, D’s flipping out, She’s flipping out and none of us know what to do. She jumps out of the tub and is scrambling about, dripping blood at every pin turn she takes. We try to grab her while trying to keep ourselves from slipping on little blood puddles. So instead we just open the door and *ZOOM* she’s gone. D and I just look at eachother, we both look at the blood spattered bathroom and not a word was spoken. We seriously had no idea what just happened. Not a clue. We even wondered if we hurt her some how or if she was hurt before coming into contact with the water. We were baffled. So we kinda cleaned up preparing for round two with our more rambunctious fur baby. 

Round two commences and believe it or not he’s pretty calm. Okay, if you describe calm as climbing the wall and letting you hold him there while you scrub him and pour warm water on him as calm, then yeah he was straight up relaxed! He was a breeze, to both of our surprise. Though we were still in semi shocked states from the prior blood bath. Maybe he was too, maybe all the screeching and squawking coming from behind the closed doors terrified him into submisison, who knows. Either way we were all kinda glad it was over when we dried him off. 

Interesting facts…get ready to learn something new!

So after all the chaos and hoopla was over and done with. We all kinda collapsed in some kind of horrified, mission accomplished type of relaxation. That was until I became curious of why there was a literal blood bath in our recent past. So what do I do? Google of course! “Bleeding to death fur baby while trying to give flea bath” What I found make me squirm and squeak,

“BABE! This is sooooo gross!” 
This certainly has his attention, “What?!”
“You. Won’t. Believe. What. I. Found. Out!”
Kind of cringing away he asks, “Do I wanna know?”
Of course I was planning on telling him whether he wanted to know or not, “Maybe not…” as I start to describe what occurred in our recent journey through bathdom, “So our sweet fur baby bled everywhere and I know why! IT WAS HER BLOOD!!!”
“Really? That’s what you came up with?” said as sarcastically and unamused as possible.
“Yes, but it didn’t come from her but it was hers.”
“Ooooookay, explain please.”
“Did you know that fleas poop, and when they do if it gets wet it re-coagulates back into blood?! SO IT WAS LITERALLY HER BLOOD! SHE WAS BLEEDING!!!”
Yeah he wasn’t nearly as amazed at this new found information as I was. He was kinda grossed out but found humor in my amazement. So he replies, “So we just washed our fur baby in the most nastiest bath ever? Blood and Poop…can we even claim we washed her? Do fleas die from being drowned in their own poop?….” His questions went on as I laughed. 

His questions made it quite a hilarious ending to what was a theatrical evening. 

Have we bathed our babies since the night of the poopy blood bath you ask? Well yes we have but this time it wasn’t nearly as amusing as chasing rabid santas and looking like someone got zombie murdered in our bathroom. The drama was kept to a minimum thanks to a vet giving us tranquilizers…granted getting to swallow them was interesting but that’s for another day. 

Well…as usual keep laughing because if you don’t laugh I will certainly laugh at you.

Stay hungry baby birds.